I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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