ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
