I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
