Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
