I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
