why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
