It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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