the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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