Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
