she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
