yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
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