I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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