Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
