i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
