I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just high enough for therapy.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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