Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
