the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
