Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
