There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
