so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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