I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
