it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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