He is such a slut. More and more my type.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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