you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
