I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
