just come out here and I will go home with you...
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
sex in a hospital.. check
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
