Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
