census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
