cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
whose parrot is this?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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