I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
