Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
