Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
