We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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