nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
