Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
