I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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