in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
