she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
