just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
