Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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