Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
