Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
