Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
