Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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