Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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