I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize