I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
