i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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