I haven't been this sober since birth.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
