I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
