I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
