i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
