I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
